Due to travel schedules, I find myself nearly 3,000 miles from home on Father’s Day, far from those I love most deeply. The common cliché that “absence makes the heart grow fonder” probably originated from our tendency to take for granted what we find immanently present, our families included. Being at a distance offers us an opportunity to reflect on the value of those ordinary blessings – if we slow down enough to do so. 

Reflection occurs best in a place of stillness, where the mind is allowed to travel back over its “memory lanes” and rediscover those places where events and emotions forged unusually memorable moments. A counselor friend once told me that we tend to remember events that are connected to emotion. This embeds them in the mind – either positive or negative emotions associated with an event will leave us with good or bad memories. And today, sitting in a Starbucks in California, my mind does travel back to memories; but I also find myself reflecting on life as it is in the present.

I am in the “sandwich generation.” My father is still living, and I also have one son and two sons-in-law who are fathers. Looking in both directions brings a moment of rare opportunity: back to those who most deeply shaped who I am, and forward to those who are presently in the trenches of parenting. There are memories that evoke both joy and sadness. 

Without some careful observation and thoughtful adjustments, most families tend to replicate our strengths and weaknesses, handing them on from generation to generation. It could be called the “monkey see, monkey do” phenomena or “more is caught than taught.” Fortunately, this is true in positive aspects of family culture, not only in the negative side. 

One strand that runs through the three generations of my family is “busy-ness”: always going, doing, becoming, investing, working. No doubt this goes back to our Germanic drive but has been fueled by American opportunity, not to mention the likely undergirding of an overdose of Anabaptist “performance” culture.  For me, it has proved a costly disorder.  Five years ago, God ran me into a cul-de-sac for an extended time of rest; and I was given the opportunity to rest, reflect, and then adjust my reentry back into life with a healthier pace. 

Old habits die hard; as energy returns, I find it very easy to slip back into those old ruts.  In moments like these – away from home on Father’s Day, reflecting in a coffee shop – I recognize that building new patterns will require constant attentiveness. I don’t wish for my family the frantic and frenzied pace in which I lived most of my life. I must learn to “re-model” that tendency.  It takes intention to “re-image” a healthier life which can include intense investment yet is always coupled with the adequate rest and recovery that remind us we are humans. We are creatures of God who must first and foremost order ourselves around our Creator and Sustainer. This requires a shift in mindset, affections and lifestyle. It involves a re-ordering of loves and worship.

At the heart of my reflection today is the need to take time – to make the time – to pause and be present with family. It’s time for another fishing trip with my dad. I need to initiate scheduling a fishing party with my sons and grandsons. I need to invite “The Gang” over for a party…a party scheduled far enough in advance I can get that brisket out of the freezer in time, fire up my Pit Barrel Smoker fifteen hours ahead of time and linger by that fire as I prepare to savor the beef and presence of family. So help me, God.