Bringing up children is one of those subjects on which the making of many books knows no end.  Why not just read the books our parents read, or (better yet) return to the pure teaching of the Scriptures?  As society around us changes, though, we are affected by its perspectives whether we realize it or not, and the way we parent is no exception.  Equipping for Life demonstrates the value of identifying and addressing current trends from a biblical perspective. 

Andreas and Margaret Kostenberger focus on the diminishing role of parents, a cultural pattern evidenced by two ideas: that a career or other form of “self-actualization” is more important than the mundane tasks of parenting; and that independence or “more space” should help parents phase out of their guiding and nurturing role by the time a child leaves for college.   Their team writing of the book intentionally accentuates the partnership of parenting, another principle that currently lacks emphasis.  Healthy parenting, they say, involves husbands who are “maturing spiritual leaders” and wives who are “growing to be wise and intelligent partners.”  (41)     

The authors’ back-to-basics approach is evident in their “three R’s”: realistic, relational, and responsible parenting.    Realistic parenting acknowledges the sinfulness of both parents and children as well as the potentially exhausting nature of the undertaking.  Parents need to be in close contact with one another (parental unity is developed through long conversation—“no shortcuts”) and be supported by extended family and the church.   Humbly resolving to do a few things well helps to avoid mistaking busyness for achievement.

Relational parenting recognizes that child-rearing is not a task to be accomplished but presence, pursuit of relationship, and a “lifelong calling.” (138)  Mr. K. acknowledges that while women are generally more relationally oriented than men, his skills have grown through the team-parenting approach.  Peacemaking is an integral part of the process of dealing with “adversity, conflict [between spouses as well as between parents and children], and spiritual warfare” (143); The K.’s suggest discussing basic responses ahead of time but give principles for conflict resolution as well.

Responsible parenting accepts the duty of guiding and developing children rather than delegating it to others or neglecting it while busy with other pursuits (even ministry).  Children instinctively want to please their parents and will imitate and emulate what they see valued.  The authors outline goals for character qualities, education (they favor home-schooling but are tolerant), preparation for service, and (briefly) wise use of technology.  Rather than focusing on a child’s gifts, mission, etc., they recommend learning a sound theology of God’s mission by studying the Bible. 

The K.’s tell the story of their own courtship in a section on preparing young people for marriage, commenting on the parental role in general and evaluating several different models.  They make it clear that parenting is “never done,” although the nature of the relationship will change.

Probably every Christian parenting book aspires, as does this one, to be “biblically based, theologically grounded, and missionally oriented.” (21) A phrase in the introduction caught my eye: the authors had not looked “in any significant way to other parents to learn about what it means to be a Christian parent” but rather “searched the Scriptures together, especially during our early years as parents.” (13) Neither of the authors came from a Christian home, but their posture of humility and willingness to learn has obviously blessed the home they established.  Let their example challenge those of us who did have that advantage.