The biblical counseling movement has accomplished a valuable service to the church in reclaiming counseling from the secular “experts,” equipping and training Christians to exhort one another from God’s Word. However, this has also proved intimidating, making “untrained” people feel inadequate and fearful that would-be helpers are disqualified by their ongoing need of help. Biblical counselor Ed Welch states that “those who help best are the ones who both need help and give help.” His aim in this book is to bring counseling back to “ordinary people [and] ordinary conversations,” resulting in “an interdependent body of weak people” walking together in the power of the Holy Spirit (11-12).

The book is divided into two sections: “We Are Needy” and “We Are Needed.”  The first section shows why we need help: when difficult circumstances bump into preoccupied hearts, internal “conversations” result.  Some of these are directed to God and are guided by the truth of His Word; others show the influence of worldly wisdom and consist of grumbling at God.

While suffering is a significant cause of neediness, it is not our biggest problem.  Sin is; but confession, God’s method for deliverance from sin, “has been tarnished” (43).  We picture inadequate and insincere confessions; our culture supplies connotations of browbeating or being judgmental and narrow-minded; popular psychology reminds us that we have “fragile egos.”  Welch counters that “Confession is for everyone, every day.”  Recognizing this will prompt us to ask first God and then other people for help.  Welch provides examples of using scriptural principles in our confessions and prayers.

The second half of the book gives hands-on guidance for those who recognize their neediness and want to reach out to others.  Since the coming of the Holy Spirit, ordinary people now are “extraordinarily empowered”; what does this look like in relationship?  We take the initiative, as God always does, and move toward one another with greetings, thoughtful conversations, and prayer.  Seeing God at work in other broken people’s lives enables us to progress in knowing one another better.  We share stories and develop compassion. (Here Welch outlines several unhelpful clichéd responses and bad conversational techniques frequently employed by well-meaning Christians.  All were familiar; some I have used myself.)  We pray together, bringing people’s hearts into the presence and promises of God.

All of these pave the way toward helping us identify what Welch calls “spiritual realities” in the problems we and others face.  Suffering people are primary targets for Satan’s strategies of temptation, accusation, and confusion.  Pain and distress also highlight the sin that so easily besets us.  However, not only do we consider it rude to mention that to sufferers, but we fear having our own sin pointed out.  Start with humility and self-examination, Welch advises.  See the good in others.  Avoid being silent out of fear or anger.  Recognize that people who need help will not always welcome it, and that growth and recovery can be messy processes.  Be willing to get help from the larger body of believers.

Jesus faced temptation armed with Scripture; how can we expect victory with any less?  Hence the title of the last chapter: “Keep the Story in View.” Sin, selfishness, separation from God, redemption, obedience, and forgiveness are the ongoing story of every Christian.  “We want to be able to tell and retell the story and have it shape us,” says Welch.  His concluding admonition is to notice the “side by side” position of Jesus’ life on earth: God with us, the rabbi and teacher who ate with sinners.

Saturated with Scripture and simply written, this is a hope-filled and thoroughly practical book.  It contains instruction on such topics as whom to greet first after church, how to begin thoughtful conversations, and what sorts of questions can move casual contacts to deeper interactions.  It is also exceptionally well-organized as a resource and has potential for individual or small-group studies.  The chapter titles, in themselves summaries of the principles taught, are listed at the beginning of each chapter as a memory and progress-tracking aid.  Obviously the product of much study and experience, Side by Side is a must-read!