Quest for an Ordered Life

Achieving work-life balance has become the topic of much discussion. The stresses and demands of many careers have made this increasingly challenging; however, few find it as difficult as the bi-vocational pastor. For many, the term “bi-vocational” is a stretch, as their ministry is simply a gift of service offered to their congregation with little or no compensation or even expense reimbursement. Whatever the financial components of the relationship, the weight of pastoral responsibilities is right on par with vocational loads.

Is balance a myth? Or can we truly reach, in this life, an idyllic place where all things find a well-balanced relationship to each other? I’ve personally concluded that “balance” is not the best way to discuss the issues surrounding this challenge. That perspective is rooted in my own journey from a place of deep emotional fatigue that took me out of leadership completely for months (and then participating only in diminished roles for nearly five years). Since then, I’ve been working on finding and maintaining a semblance of “order” to the various roles and relationships I’m in. What follows chronicles aspects of my personal journey, influenced by the guidance and coaching I’ve received enroute. It’s not a “finished” journey but one of continual learning and readjusting. I welcome your response and critique and would love to have some interaction based on your own experience with these challenges.

To get a start on a personal evaluation, it’s helpful to list all one’s major areas of responsibility and relational roles. Mine boiled down to these eight: vocation, ministry, finances (or resources), wife, family, friends, self and ultimately God. While the exact list might be different for each person, some of them apply to everyone. Let’s begin a working, values-based definition of each key relationship.

• Vocation – Contribution to the world as exchange
• Ministry – Service to the world as gift
• Finances – Resources to fulfill responsibilities
• Spouse – Connection to and enjoyment of most important human relationship
• Family – Lifelong close community
• Friends – Iron-sharpening-iron friendships
• Self – Care and stewardship of spiritual, emotional, and physical resources
• God – relationship to the Ultimate Reality

One obvious absence in this list of key relationships – and I’m not sure how to consider it well – is one’s relationship to his local church. Since my relationship with church has been primarily one of ministry for most of my life, I’ve not created a separate category. In addition, aspects of the “friends” category overlaps with the local church as well. In this article, I’m speaking primarily to pastors or people involved in some form of ministry (more than incidental or peripheral) in the church. As such I haven’t included it here either. 

As one begins to reflect on these key relationships, the attempt to place them in an ordered list of priority can be incredibly difficult. As a Christian, it’s a solid assumption that God, as one’s relationship to the Ultimate Reality, should take the highest place. (I would argue that no matter what one’s worldview or religious persuasion, he recognizes an ultimate reality that gives shape to all other relationships – defining, informing and guiding them. As a Christian, I understand this to be idolatry if it is anything other than the personal God revealed to us in Scripture, creation and ultimately in His Son Jesus.) We humans are worshippers. We will order our lives – thoughts, affections and actions – around some supreme object of devotion. This means that functionally, any of these key relationships could move to first place and become the defining reality in our relationship to all the others. As an entrepreneur and pastor myself, ministry and vocation very easily slipped into that space. But more about that later.

What are the principles that inform our ordering of these relationships? I’d like to suggest several, particularly for those in ministry. 

Jesus’s instruction to his disciples in the Sermon on the Mount, “Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all these things [food, clothes and shelter] will be added to you,” provides a clear starting point. 

A critical detail in this principle is our understanding of the term “kingdom of God.” If our definition assumes that the kingdom of God is strictly spiritual, we easily slip into a Gnostic rut that identifies the spiritual as the only “good” sphere and minimizes the physical world as somehow “less than.” This kind of perspective is endemic to much of Christian thought and results in equating ministry with the kingdom of God. It’s how so many of us get stuck in a mindset that says, “Christian ministry – pastor, deacon, missionary – is the first priority and should take the highest place of all our key relationships in a rightly ordered life. Even our spouse, family and friends must be ‘sacrificed’ in order to follow the ultimate call.” Functionally, this mentality shifts ministry to a place of idolatry, and often one’s own relationship to God is compromised on the altar of ministry. 

“Seeking first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness” should first involve recognizing that God has defined the rightly ordered way of life and making it your number one priority to seek His order. God, through His Son Jesus, is the true ruler of all that exists. His kingdom has an “order” to it. When that order is honored, people flourish. When that order is violated, people’s lives and their society descend into chaos and dysfunction. Acknowledging God’s definition of a rightly ordered life allows not only relationships but material things to be appropriately added, stewarded, and enjoyed. Where any of these take on an inordinate level of importance, a life of anxiety and worry is produced rather than a rested, faith-filled, and well-ordered life. 

The second principle that needs to be considered is that scriptural qualifications for ministry are described and affirmed by how one is stewarding his other relationships: not only the character of the person under consideration but his relationship to his spouse, family, money, and the community in which he lives. These are qualifying and disqualifying features. It is a flawed assumption to think that they should only be considered in the initial selection process for ministry positions and then ignored during the course of ministry. 

The third principle I’d like to suggest is that one’s vocation is the means by which he fulfills many of the responsibilities in the other spheres: care for oneself, spouse, family, and the wise management of finances. As such, there are ways in which the paying vocation of a minister (assuming ministry is not that) must hold significant priority in order to be “seeking God’s ordered way within his kingdom.” Where does this leave ministry, in the order of priorities? I think ministry can have one of two places in that order. However, I will leave that for the next blog, where I will lay out a model that I’m currently working from—an attempt to be intentional about ordering life in harmony with the ways of God’s kingdom.

A fourth principle is that life is best seen as having rhythms similar to the seasons of the year. There are times in which one must invest heavily in one relationship or the other in a way that requires sacrifice from others whom you are responsible to serve. This sacrifice should be a mutually agreed-upon sacrifice, however, and not merely one assumed unilaterally. Independent decisions to “sacrifice” for a cause – even and maybe especially Christian ministry – frequently result in justifiable resentment and anger towards Christianity or the institutions being served by the minister. This is certainly not the rightly ordered way of the kingdom of God. Such periods of sacrifice for the cause must have a season where one is again attentive to his other areas of responsibility in order to not disqualify himself for ministry. The apostle Paul stated regarding his own experience that he needed to pay careful attention to himself—lest, after investing heavily in the work of ministry, he himself would be a castaway.

This is no light matter, or one that has a simple, one-size-fits-all shoe to wear. Finding a way to lead an ordered life in keeping with the kingdom of God and fulfilling one’s calling in all spheres of life is an arduous and challenging matter. We do well to embrace a posture of humility, develop the skill of listening carefully to those around us, and adjust carefully and promptly in those times when we (or others) notice a trajectory toward the disordered life. 

In the next article, I will lay out the basic framework I am currently working from. I particularly look forward to hearing from you – input, experiences, and words of wisdom.