The Minister’s Wife: Privileges, Pressures, and Pitfalls by Ann Benton and friends | Review by Rosa Byler

The Minister’s Wife: Privileges, Pressures, and Pitfalls by Ann Benton and friends book review_sjbyler.com

While the New Testament describes qualifications and duties of church leaders and a few criteria for deacons’ wives, it is silent on the role of the elder’s wife. Yet the position is an important one. A minister’s wife can be a significant encouragement to her husband in his work, providing “maintenance and repair.” (Ann Benton uses the analogy from WWII: the Germans had superior machinery but left broken or damaged tanks to rust. The Americans had teams in place to repair and refurbish “shot-up” tanks, returning them quickly to the battle. “Gospel ministry is a war,” Benton says, and the assistance of a minister’s wife is “essential to his return to the front line” [p. 14].)

The Minister’s Wife is the collaborative production of nine ministers’ wives from England, whose different personalities, experiences, and approaches to life provide an interesting variety of perspectives. On the issue of gender roles, they are complementarians. Their adherence to the authority of Scripture is the obvious core of the book despite differences in denominational practice. (Note: British ministers’ wives live in manses or vicarages and spell or use some words differently than Americans do.)

The first three chapters cover the main responsibilities of a minister’s wife: her relationships with God, her husband, and her family. One of the most helpful practical resources of this section is a chart mapping out a woman’s “job description”: in addition to being a child of God, her husband’s wife, and her children’s mother, she is also a neighbor, friend, church member, daughter, and citizen. Benton suggests listing in order of importance the main duties of each category; to avoid unbalanced investment, accomplish the first task in each column before moving on to the second or third. This will ensure a more even coverage, although she adds, “Accept that you will rarely achieve all of them.” Changing stages of life should prompt frequent reassessment of priorities.

Ministry life includes “privileges and perks” as well as “pressure points” and criticism. Temptations inherent to any position of leadership include pride, fear, loneliness, self-pity, and people-pleasings and obsessions of various sorts; the authors lay out the symptoms of these clearly in ways many of us would not have thought of before. They offer preventives and remedies that are sound and Scriptural, among them the virtues of humility and contentment.

How should a minister’s wife exercise her spiritual gifts? The author cautions against covering numerous bases simply because no one else volunteers, but she also admonishes any woman who feels her husband’s calling is her spiritual gift. General teaching on finding and using one’s spiritual gifting for the edification of the church is followed by a chapter focusing on two ministries no church leader’s wife should neglect: hospitality and encouragement.

The final chapter anticipates and addresses questions that young or inexperienced ministry wives may have. Minor differences of church organizational practice notwithstanding, all the information given is helpful. (The Minister’s Wife was written in part to address the problem of qualified men leaving the ministry due to their wives’ difficulties with the position. This is somewhat limited to ecclesiastical systems that employ their ministers—in a system where men are ordained to leadership, a wife’s frustration does not carry quite this much weight. However, an unhappy wife can still be a great hindrance.) With its emphasis on growing in godliness, this book is a worthwhile read for any woman. Buy one as a gift for your minister’s wife, but read it yourself first!

Rosalind McGrath Byler

Rosalind has been an avid reader for many years and has coupled her extensive reading with her writing skills to prepare book reviews. As a teacher, mother, and grandmother, she has had a natural interest in explaining complex matters both practical and biblical in simple, easy-to-understand language. She continues to hone and develop this gift in service of family, church, and community.